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::    You Know You are in    ::
::      Trouble When...      ::
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You have been at work for three hours before you notice your skirt is caught in
your pantyhose.

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

You call suicide prevention and they put you on Hold.

You get to work and find a 60 MINUTES news team waiting in your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.

You start to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night... and
there aren't any.

You turn on the Evening News and they are showing Emergency Routes out of the
city.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.

Your 4-Year-Old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit
down the toilet.

Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.

You realize that you just sprayed spot remover  under your arms instead of
deodorant.

You discover your 12-Year-Old's idea of humor is putting Crazy Glue in your
Preparation H.

You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your
dresser drawer.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

You wake up to the sound of running water... and remember that you just bought
a waterbed.

You spend $75.00 at the hair dressers and when you get home your dog starts
barking at you.

Everyone avoids you the morning after the company party.

The bird singing outside your window is a Vulture.

You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.

Your Income Tax refund check bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

Your husband says "Good morning Mary" ...and your name is Sharon.

You need one bathroom scale for each foot.

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when
you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

Your aunt Maudie who has two Poodles and a Chihuahua tells you that her doctor
just recommended plenty of rest in a warm, dry climate... and you live in
Arizona.

You receive a 150 page instruction booklet on how to save money... from PG&E.

Air line food starts to taste good.

Your mother approves of the person you are dating.

Your doctor tells you that you are allergic  to chocolate chip cookies.

You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.

You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.

You take longer to get over sex than you did to have it.

Nothing you own is actually paid for.

Everyone loves your driver's license picture.

You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.

Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

You compliment the Boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.

You go on your honeymoon to a remote little motel and the desk clerk, bell hop,
and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your spouse.

The Health Inspector condemns your office coffee maker.

The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes... and no one has
touched it.

You look out the window of the airplane and the Goodrich Blimp is gaining on
you.

You invite the Peeping Tom in... and he says no.

The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

People think you are 40... and you really are.

You notice dandruff... on your umbrella.

The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the
numbers on the sign outside changed.

Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was Terrific" and you remember
that you were home by yourself.

Everyone is laughing but you.